It appears that the doctors have run out of ideas and options for fixing whatever is wrong with my bone marrow. Short of having a very risky bone marrow transplant, the only play now is to let it play out.
I have been through an extensive set of chemotherapy treatments and I’ve been through a grueling regimen of immunotherapy-type treatments. And my situation is the same as it was last fall when I started them.
My bone marrow has almost shut down as a factory for red blood cells. With a shortage of red blood cells (known as anemia) it is hard for the body to get enough oxygen around to the various systems. My anemia is quite severe, so any exertion at all leaves me gasping for air. And I seem to need about twelve hours of sleep every day, though I still wake up tired.
The news that we are out of options is causing us to reconfigure a lot of our thinking. However long I may live with this, it will be a very inactive life. We have some places we want to go and some things we want to see, but my life will be without many of the things I have enjoyed, like golf, biking, and hiking.
Outside of these necessary restrictions, we are going to try to live as normally as we can. We’ll be going back to church and doing things with our friends as we always have, just not the active things. I feel pretty normal except for the weariness. I hope you all will understand that I am doing the best I can, but things have significantly changed inside me.
Through all this, God has been faithful and true. He doesn’t always heal, but he is present. Very few times have I felt fearful about the future. Very few times have I wondered why. Mostly I’ve been able to stay in the present and to accept reality. I’m no longer a slave to fear; I am a child of God.
And of course, there is Carol. If you want to understand God’s faithfulness, hang around with Carol for a while. She daily lives out a great parable of God’s love. I am very blessed.